I’ve been a bit depressed today. Not out right sad, but not really happy. I’ve never really had things work out in my life or very rarely. Contest entered and lost, jobs applied for and passed over, interviews had and never called back. Basically whenever I’ve wanted something it never materializes and I can’t figure out why. I wonder if it’s me… like do I just suck? Or am I cursed? What exactly is blocking my path?
I’ve always tried to do the right thing and the straight arrow path. I mean I have my goals, that may not have been popular(pursuing animation/art) but I never did anything particularly bad. I’ve always strove to do the right thing while following my own path.
I’ve never been popular in any aspect of my life. Today I feel like I’ve wasted my life some how, that maybe I should have done something differently. Been a “bad egg”? Maybe I should have just been a standard person and pursued a stable life rather then this “artist” life. I thought it was all I was able to do, but if I’m not needed or even wanted why did I feel lead down that path?
I’m struggling financially now. And I’m envious of my peers that are able to go and do the things I’ve always wanted and dreamed of. It’s like I’m Cinderella, but I have no fairy godmother, no ball, no magic. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m at my wits end and I’m just not happy. It frustrates me that I can’t see a way out. I’m doing all that I can but I am not catching any breaks.