Depressed. I’ve been trying so long to make it as an artist… and its gone no where. I’m beginning to even doubt if I should have become an artist. Maybe it should have just been a hobby. I’m just mediocre compared to the truly great people I follow.
But the thing that really gets me and wounds me is seeing people with even less talent then I succeed. That they get to have the experiences I long for, but never have. Its jealousy at it’s core. I wouldn’t mind so much if I just had a few opportunities come my way too, but it’s always a struggle, always rejection.
Today I thought I should just give art up. That I’m never going to make it go anywhere. Funny I even started a new piece last night.
It is for a contest… that I’m sure I won’t win anyway, but I figured I’d give it a shot.
I used to think I had great artistic abilities, but now I feel so low, like a child. I need to push myself. But with all the real world stress I have to deal with there’s not much left of me to focus on my art. I won’t say there’s no time, there’s just no heart.